To Open Your Eyes
by JerinAnn
Summary: Bella wrote a couple of journal entries acting like Edward is reading them. Edward actually receives the journal and reads it. Will it open his eyes to his mistakes, or will he turn his back on her again? Takes place during New Moon.
1. Preface

**A/N: So, I was going through my journal of ideas and came across this one from a while ago. I know I have a lot of stories going on right now as I'm writing this, but I decided that it would be easier to start this while the inspiration is fresh in my mind. It also gives me the chance to work on this while I'm away from home as this is going to be done entirely on my computer; a totally different method than what I usually do.**

 **This story may not be updated regularly. I felt the need to update, and I've had this in my computer for almost a year. I have a couple chapters completed, but I might hold off on posting them for a little bit. I hope you all enjoy this story, and if you read this authors note, you are amazing as many people don't take the time to read these. Without further ado, I present "To Open Your Eyes".**

 **Preface:**

I fell to the ground, my head in my hands, screaming like I was on fire. I wish I was as it would mean there was an end to this pain. Death is such a sweet thing, so easy to grasp. Yet, I wondered if the pain would end in my death, or if I would be subject to this agony for the rest of eternity.

I wish I never made that fateful mistake to take myself away from my beloved, to forcefully end everything I had pure. It was a mistake, thinking I knew what was best because I thought I knew the world better. That was what it was supposed to be. I've been a part of the world longer than her; I've been through many more horrible events than her. But when it came to love, I was just as lost as she was.

I sobbed into my hands. How much of a fool have I been? What did I ever do to deserve such a wonderful creature? Surely the gods were laughing at me. Such a worthless creature I was. I took the gift they gave for granted and threw it back in their face. I took the only woman who ever loved me for who I was and threw her away. I put her through a worse torture than the fires of hell. I took an angel away from heaven only to throw her into hell.

I looked up at the sky and wished the sun wasn't shining. How can anything be beautiful when I ruined everything good and pure? How can anyone be happy? I felt like the sky should be black, tears falling from the dark clouds to mourn her pain.

How I wish I was human so I could have an excuse for my actions. How many times have people said "you're only human." What excuse did I have, being a more advanced creature in a sense? The truth was, eternity was a curse. It gave you the chance to gain more knowledge. It gave you the chance to be with your loved ones forever if you used it right, but it also gave you the opportunity to make more mistakes than you thought possible; each one greater than the first.

I should have gave my beloved what she begged me for. She knew the cost, but she also thought through all the benefits I never saw before. Looking through her eyes, I could see the truth, a truth much more horrible than anything the world could concoct.

I took a deep breath as I stood up, brushing the dirt off my jeans. I stared at the sky, hoping that there was still a chance to redeem myself, to ask for forgiveness. Was I too late to save everything I held dear? If I was, I would truly die once and for all.

 **A/N: Sorry that this was so short, but it was a preface after all. I promise the chapters will be way longer than this in the future. I hope you all have a great and safe night. ~JerinAnn**


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1:**

 **Edward's POV:**

I felt the wind rush through my hair as I ran through the dense forest. I used to enjoy running; it was the only positive aspect of my immortal life, but ever since I left my beloved, it felt painful to run for joy. I felt like I was betraying her. I ran for purpose now, not entertainment.

I was heading to my family's house in Denali. Most of them lived there now to be close to family for, in their minds, they lost one. My beloved was as much of a child and a sibling to my family as I. But it was for the best that we left. We put her in so much danger by just being near her. She deserved a full, mortal life.

I knew that Emmett and Rosalie were still gone on another honeymoon in Europe. Jasper tended to avoid me as much as possible since I gave off an aura of pain and depression. Alice wasn't her cheerful self, which was shocking because nothing ever affected her like that for a long period of time. Esme and Carlisle were trying hard to keep the family together, but they were failing from the looks of it. I only checked in with them every three months or so.

When I entered the house, I was greeted with a hug from Esme, a clap on the back from Carlisle, a nod from Jasper, and a glare from Alice.

"There's a package for you in your room," Alice muttered as she ran up the stairs, dragging Jasper with her. She used to love being with me-we are both freaks among the freaks-but now, I took away her best friend. That wasn't something she would forgive unless I agreed to return. That was out of the question.

It wasn't like I didn't think of returning to her, to Bella. I closed my eyes. It hurt just to think her name. I often thought of returning to her, but I knew it wouldn't end well. Returning would have eased my pain and returned the joy my family once held, but it would also ruin any chance Bella had at a safe, normal life. My family should know that I would do anything for my mate-she was still mine in my mind-even if it meant putting her before them.

Another reason I was afraid to return was I knew she would reject me. I stopped our relationship with a cold heart. I purposely broke her heart so she wouldn't miss me. She probably hated me now, so I would rather have kept myself in the dark than see that nightmare.

I slowly trudged up the stairs to open the package. I didn't care about what was in it, but I knew my family would watch me even closer if I didn't show signs of my old curiosity. I saw the small package lying on my couch waiting to be opened.

I cut the seal in one quick swipe and recoiled when I opened the tab. A scent of strawberries and freesias filled my room. Bella. I sank to the ground, curling up in a ball. No, this can't be. Rosalie was playing a sick joke on me. Yes, that was it. I knew Rosalie was cruel, but this was a whole new level of torture. I was curious about how she managed to duplicate Bella's scent so perfectly, though, so I reached inside the box and pull out a book, a journal to be precise.

I opened it and stared at the first page. It had to be a joke. This couldn't be real. It said _Isabella Marie Swan_. Her address followed along with a note in her messy scrawl I came to love about returning the book if found and not reading ahead.

How did she find me? How was she able to send me this? These questions swirled around in my head, but I decided I didn't need to know them at that second. The important thing was that I had Bella's journal, a piece of her mind. I never knew her to keep one, but I was anxious to see what it said. I turned the page.

 _September 29, 2005_

 _I decided to keep a record of my thoughts. I need someone to talk to, and I have no one to listen to me without me lying. It sucks to know the truth and to be unable to say it. If I did, I would no doubt be put in an insane asylum for the crazy stuff I came to know about the "real world"._

 _It has been about a week since he left-I can't even think his name without the agonizing pain taking over my body. I'm lucky I can write this. I know my father fears that I will become unresponsive, but that's the least of his worries._

 _It's painful to think of that day, the one where my life was shattered, but it might be better to acknowledge it. That's the first step in healing, isn't it? To admit what happened, to exit the stage of denial? I hope it is; I hope I have the chance to live again, but I don't see that as a possibility. I loved him, and I still do, even after everything he said. I will never stop loving him._

 _Anyway, let's just get it over with. In the shortest explanation of what he did, he asked me to walk in the forest with him and decided to say the worst things imaginable. Even after all that, he ran away afterwards. He literally just ran away. I clearly wasn't thinking straight when I chased after him. I knew it was hopeless; I could never catch up with a vampire, but I had to try. I couldn't give up on the person who showed me what life could really be. Even though he told me he didn't love me, I still wanted him around. Even if he hated me, he shouldn't have felt the need to leave with his family because of me. It made me feel more guilty that his family had to leave because I decided to live here._

 _What was I compared to him? I'm human. I'm not smart, fast, strong, or beautiful. How did I possibly believe I could ever have held his interest when he was everything I wasn't? I was just a phase, an experiment._

 _I continued through the woods even though I knew it wouldn't have made a difference. I just couldn't give up. I continued until it got dark. When there was no light to see, I tripped over roots and finally fell flat on my face. I didn't get up. I didn't have the will to move. I wanted to just stay there, to not face reality._

 _I heard people calling my name. Apparently, I was out for a while and Charlie gathered together a search party. I knew I should respond, but I couldn't find my mouth to yell for them. They finally faded into the distance._

 _Then I heard the rustling of a huge creature. I knew some big animal was in the forest, and I was briefly concerned that I was going to be killed, but then I decided I didn't care. My life was over anyway. If I could help a starving animal, so be it. But it went away as fast as it had come and a man appeared a few seconds later. He said his name was Sam. He was a part of the search party._

 _Sam carried me home to my father, and told him I kept repeating "he's gone." I didn't realize I was saying that out loud. I wasn't aware of anything except that the doctor checked me to see if I was fine and found out it was about one in the morning. I can't believe I was out there that long…_

 _The phone rang a lot that night. People were concerned to see if I was alright, but I believe they just wanted gossip. I trust small towns a lot less than big cities like Phoenix. At least I wasn't in life or death situations as much before I came to Forks._

 _I would trade my safety for what I had a few weeks ago. I was so happy then. It already seems like a lifetime has passed since I felt loved and happy. How can I deal with this for the rest of my life? Will I ever be happy again?_

 _I heard my father call Billy after he got a concern call from someone in town about a bonfire on the La Push cliffs. Apparently, they were celebrating the "great news" of the disappearance of the local vampires. That was a low blow. What I wouldn't give to have the local vampires here._

 _I talked to my dad about them for a few minutes. I'm very upset with Ed-him. He forged a note for Charlie to find. He was in my house… he took all the mementoes I had of him and his family._ It will be as if I never existed. _He tried to erase himself from my life, and now he was trying to force himself out of my memory. Well I wasn't going to let him. He was the best thing that happened to me. I'd be damned if I would let him steal the little happiness I had with him. Maybe in the future, I will be able to look back at the months we had together and smile. At least I know he will live forever. The world would be an empty place without him…_

 _I was wrong. Writing about that day didn't help at all; if anything, it made it worse. Why does it hurt so much to think of him. I want to enjoy the time I had with him, but it hurts too much to think about him. I will keep them in my memory, but I won't think of them. I will write about my life in here, record what happens to me from now on. With my luck, who knows when I will die. I think at least my ex-best friend still cares enough about me to want to know if something happened to me. If I die, I will make sure that my father or someone sends this to her or him. He might not love me anymore, but he has to at least care if something were to happen… right?_

I stared at the pages I just read, pain filling my dried veins. I could feel her pain in these words. I could see the damage I did. _It's for the best,_ I told myself. _She's safe, she's home._ But one thing that troubled me was the last paragraph. She said she wanted to send this to my family if anything happened to her… does that mean she's gone. I fell to the ground. No! She was still alive. She's still in this world. The world would be black if she died. I would have known if she was gone.

I gazed hungrily at the pages. I would know what she went through. I would know if she was well. I needed to know, I needed a new connection. This eased the need to be with her because I felt the connection in these pages. I felt like she was next to me, telling me her mind like she used to, only this time it wasn't censored.

I flipped the page eagerly. I needed to read the next entry. I needed to know her life. I needed to know her thoughts.

 **A/N: Sorry that I didn't go into a lot of detail in her journal. I have two main reasons for that. The first is that the pain is still fresh and agonizing to Bella when she wrote this, so she can't think of all the details without breaking down in agony. The second reason is that I'm going to try to write as little with the book sitting next to me as possible. I will write with New Moon by me in the future when Jacob becomes a bigger part, but until then, Bella's going to not have a lot of detail in her journal. I hope you liked this first chapter. I'll post the next one as soon as I can. ~JerinAnn**


End file.
